Syprux's Prophetic Fridge says: Artificial Cooling Devices

As far as my eyes could see, it was sand. Crimson sand that stretched far and wide before it meets the clear blue skyline. I lifted my head up towards the heavens. The eye of Apollo stared down mercilessly at me, terrorizing me each and every step i take onwards into the endless desert. How many days has it been, i wondered, since i found myself in this hot sweltering hell? I have walked for hours, and Apollo showed no signs of letting up his glory. My vision was beginning to cloud from the heat and the sweat that got into my eyes. I sank to my knees into the fine sand. Was this it? Am i done for? Just as the last threads of consciousness began to leave me, a sight caught my eye. What was it? It looked like.. it looked like.. A FRIDGE DRESSED IN A PINK BALLET TUTU?

I woke up with a scream of horror bathed in a pool of sweat. That was the fourth most disturbing I’ve ever had. Ever. I pretty much sat up in bed, composed myself, and deduced that the intensely warm night must be contributing to my nightmare. Without a second though, I reached over and extended my hand towards my air conditioner remote, with every intention of turning it on (not that turning on you sick twisted people!) Before I could wrap my hands around the remote, a dark square-ish figure dressed in a pink ballet tutu leaped from the ceiling, onto my outstretched hand (and arm), crushing me, and loudly boomed:” What do you think you’re doing you insolent fool!”

Now with one’s arm crushed under the massive weight of a fridge, AND with the sight of the fridge wearing a tutu, one would be tempted to think that I’m still dreaming. Seeing my look of disbelief, the fridge proceeded to pelt stale vegetables at me. “Answer me you foolish organ sack!”.

“I was merely.. turning on the air conditioner!” I meekly answered. “It’s a terribly warm night and I can’t sleep” I attempted to reason. “Silence infidel!” the fridge bellowed. “Do you not realize that you puny humans are better off without artificial cooling devices?” I rolled my eyes. This line of speech seems familiar. This was going to be another long night. “Could you just get off my arm so I can listen to your reasoning in less distress?” as I attempted to free my crushed arm. The fridge leaped a few times and landed heavily on my already crushed arm, further crushing it.”I’m not done speaking you weakling. Shut up and soak in my glorious wisdom of a thousand civilizations”

“But.. my…hand..” I weakly protested before a cucumber was rammed down my throat, stifling my efforts. “You puny weaklings have gone weak and un-capable of standing humid weather with the invention of Artificial Cooling Devices!” My fridge began. “Air Conditions in your car, in your office, in your labs, in your classrooms. Heck, you pathetic meat loaves become so reliant to Cooling Devices that you fools can’t survive without it!” “You pansies go all “oh noes, the weather is soh the hawt. I soh need to the cool down” merely 5 seconds in the sun!” the fridge said in a mocking tone, while prancing on my crush-crushed-crushed again arm.

“Did you not know your glorious fore-fathers, the Nethanderal man-gods THRIVED without Cooling Devices!” the fridge gloriously boomed (with now a halo of glory, gloriously glorifying the fridge shining down upon iy). “Renounce your Cooling Devices foolish mortal! For they are evil!”

Thanks to all my training as a sword eater, I easily ingested the cucumber, and looked at the halo-bathed fridge. “But aren’t you also a product of Artificial Cooling Devices?”

…

Syprux's Prophetic Fridge says: Technology De-volution!

As any other usual weekday night (or morning if you are one of those who insist that 12am is morning), i'll be watching the idiot box with my fridge. And as usual, it controls the remote. Anyways, this time around, we stumbled upon a programme called "afterworld" where seemingly, technology got wiped out due to some weird random occurrence and everyone in the show was living post-apocalyptic style. When the episode ended 3 minutes later, (yes, it IS only 3 minutes per episode), my fridge loudly commented:"What a load of hogwash!"

Against my better judgment, i asked:"Why so? That show wasn't that bad..was it?"

My fridge turned and glared at me. “You incompetent meat sack! I wasn’t referring to the quality of the show (as bad as it was). I was merely making reference to the silly fact that the show preferred to spread propaganda that you puny humans can’t survive without technology!”

“Well..” I tried to think of something smart to say, but my fridge continued it’s tirade:” Don’t you weak brained mortal realized that humans are better off without technology of today!”

Now at this point, my fridge was pretty much in the “zone” of ranting and rambling about some obsessive views it has. With that in mind, I tried to sneak quietly away from the couch to escape my fridge before It was too late. Tragically, my fridge IS prophetic after all, and thus, foresaw my feeble attempt to escape, clobbering me with a stalk of celery and proceeded to pin me down with it’s bulky metallic frame, before continuing it’s monologue.

“Now listen here you organ-filled skin pouch. Do you realize how much mankind has degraded since the advent of technology? You humans call it progress, but what you puny humans don’t realize, if that de-volution is taking place!” “De-volution? Is that even a word?” I attempted to protest before getting a huge onion stuffed into my mouth.

“Silence! The Great one is not done!” boomed my fridge. At this stage, being pinned by a fridge, AND with a onion in my mouth, I pretty much had ran out of option, thus I resort to nodding meekly at my marauding fridge.

The tirade continued:” With the invention of production line, junk food can be produced 40 thousand times as fast, thus more for humans to eat, and the fatter the population becomes! With invention of cars, puny minded creatures are given another option of recklessness, and thus, car accidents (which won’t occur if there weren’t cars)! With air conditioners, humans stop holidaying in Antarctica for the weather! With the internet, humans have less sex, thus less mini humans cause they are busy pr0n watching, Dota-ing and WoW-ing!” The fridge gripped me and rattled me sore:” We need slaves when us fridges take over the planet!”

With a superhuman effort (and since I ate most of that onion anyway), I managed to un-gag myself and asked the marauding fridge:” But aren’t you a product of technology?”

…